BienthoughtsMuyBienthoughts

one stupidity at a time won't hurt, will it?

Kissing.


Last night in bed, I gazed hesitantly at our reflection. You seemed so small and fragile, like a child defeating a colossus. My left leg rested contentedly on your hip. My face peeked from the valleys of your shoulder. It seemed I could squish you like an insect if I wanted to.

 

“Parang ang liit mo,” I said as I stumped my cigarette into the ashtray.

“Ikaw na. Ikaw na matangkad.”

 

What I really wanted to say had nothing to do with height. What I meant was I wasn’t really sure if you could take me.

 

Adjustment makes the parts we need, bigger, and the parts we don’t, smaller. For years, I’ve refined my fury, my resentment and power. It’s helped me stay alive. It’s helped me put pen to paper.

 

What makes you think it would be that easy to undo all of that?

 

I exhaled noisily, one of those stretched, pregnant sighs when you know I’ve gone crazy again. In my head, the questions kept burning.

Why do you love me? I have nothing left to give. Why do you stay?
And then you kissed me.

You kissed me and I savored truth. Everything, all the fears in my head and the voices that tell me it’s not going to work, they all were washed out.

These are lies, your lips taught me.

Believe only in this, they whispered as you kissed our hands intertwined. Trust only this, they said as you kissed the left side of my cheeks.

 

You kissed me and it all felt truthful again. It was a quiet swing but I felt it. My lips formed an awkward smile. My heart sang a quiet song.

 

Sa paglalayag ng puso,
Makikita mo ang mundo
At kung ang ulap ay madilim
Nandyan ka
Nandyan ka, kasama ako.

Maaari tayong lumipad
Ikaw at ako…
Sa alapaap
Habang magkadikit ating mga labi.

 

Happy 2nd. ❤

2012/07/19 Posted by | Sari-saring Katangahan. | 1 Comment

Friday Doodle [Ikaw Lamang Hanggang Ngayon] #movie


My all-time favorite tagalog chick-flick movie. Hehe. I’ve seen this movie like a hundred times but it just never gets old. Brings back the time when all I ever wanted was a love story like this – Simple. Not complicated. Corny. Shallow. Superficial. And then I came to know that there is no fairytale, really and life as it is, is never easy or fair. Make me wanna just hang on here and wait until someone replies to my letter on the bench.

2012/07/06 Posted by | Sari-saring Katangahan. | Leave a comment

One More Chance and the PAG-IBIG Inspection.


Medyo matagal ako nagpahinga, wala akong mapiga sa utak ko para maisulat. Baka nga wala nang laman ang bumbunan ko – literal – hangin na lang. Lutang ako. Kahapon nga habang nakasakay ako sa bus, nilapitan ako ng kundoktor para singilin ng bayad: “Sir, san po baba nyo?”, “Marlboro Lights!” ang naisagot ko. Ang labo diba? Worst case na sa pagiging bangag. Akala ko kasi nasa 7-11 ako at bumubili ng yosi. Adik.

Ano ba nangyari? Wala naman. Siguro na-in-love ulit ako. Alam na! Gaya ng lagi kong sinasabi, “the beginning is all about the chase”. So ganun talaga, kapag nagsisimula pa lang ang relasyon, mas madalas inuukol nyo ang oras nyo sa isa’t-isa. Parang wala nang bukas. Lagi kayong magkasama. Lagi kayong magkausap. Syempre nakikiramdam pa. Pa-bibo. “We want it to work” ang drama. Pero ang tanong dyan, “can you keep up?”. Ako Oo. Ewan ko kung ano ang isasagot nya. I’m just taking it all in. Anyway, it’s everything I’m wishing for. So far masaya ako. Yun na lang muna ang mahalaga.

May bago ba? Well, wala. Iritado pa rin ako kay Noynoy at sa nangyayari sa kanyang pamahalaan. Sa ating gobyerno at sa sunod-sunod na pakikipaglaban ng mga bayan sa Cavite para maging ganap na syudad. Dasmarinas City, Bacoor City, at ang pinakahuli – Vote for Imus Cityhood. Walanjo! Susuporta lang siguro ako sa Imus Cityhood kapag hindi na amoy kanin-baboy ang daanan sa Imus at kapag lumuwag-luwag na ang trapik sa may Cathedral may misa man o wala. Eh yung simpleng bagay lang na yun hindi pa maayos, puta. Cityhood my ass!

Tingin ko hindi pa handa ang Imus para maging isang syudad. Sabihin na nating nakapasa ito sa mga major criteria para maging isang ganap na pook rural – population, income, contigous territory etc., pero ano ba ang mga komplikasyon nito? Naiintindihan ba ng mga bumoto ng YES sa plebesito ang implikasyon nito sa Amilyar, sa buwis, sa presyo ng mga lupain, at sa mga dagdag na gastusin? Hindi. Ang alam nila magandang pakinggan ang Imus City. Shet! Parang hindi naman.

Tag-ulan na. Matagal din akong nagtiis sa mainit na panahon. Paborito ko ang ulan at hindi na mabilang ang mga naisulat kong blogs na patungkol sa ulan. Pakiramdam ko – woooosh – I’m home! May comfort itong hatid sa akin. Mas masigla, mas ganado, mas magaan ang pakiramdam ko kapag umuulan. Hindi haggard at higit sa lahat mas umaandar ang utak ko. Well, aside from the fact na masarap ding matulog kapag umuulan. Parang gusto ko tuloy kumain ng Sinigang sa Miso na Lapu-lapu, or Tuna belly, or Salmon. Sarap.

Yung title wala lang yan koneksyon sa laman nitong blog. Balak ko sana mag-emo post ulit kaso wala ako sa mood. I’m way too happy to be sad. Seriously. 

I’m gonna make new memories and forget all the things that hurt. This time I’m gonna make sure I am well respected and that I deserve what I’m getting. I’m gonna love myself more and would only share the overflow. I won’t entertain pain and would ignore people who brings it. I’ve set my principles long time ago and might have forgotten it but I’m definitely in the zone again for a new journey.
Nakuha ko na ang susi ng bahay ko. It’s official, I am a homeowner na. OMG. lol. I guess someone up there is still giving me some things that I should be thankful about.
Dito ako magsisimula. 🙂

2012/07/03 Posted by | Sari-saring Katangahan. | 3 Comments

   

%d bloggers like this: