BienthoughtsMuyBienthoughts

one stupidity at a time won't hurt, will it?

The Saddest Orgasm.


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My soul is wandering
I should be somewhere in the dreamland by this time
but I am here where reality is not really the best place to be.

Yes, I’ve kissed several lips
wonderful, remarkable kisses
that was easy. you know?
That is the reality, we kiss and as soon as we part, it’s over. We’re over.
and I wander again in the vast field of nothingness, like the normal me.

I see you everyday. Everyday when I wake up. When I go to work. Whenever I ride the bus. Whenever I miss my bus. I see you and you never fail to remind me how the reality that my soul want to pursue is impossible because you aren’t real. You are my fantasy.

We kiss in my head. I see you smile when I close my eyes. I moan the saddest orgasm whenever I look into your eyes, whenever you look past me and see nothing but my nothingness. I am nothing to you. In your reality, I am invisible.

That must be painful, you bet. Unfortunately, you’re wrong. It’s not painful at all.

It’s exhausting.

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2013/03/15 Posted by | Sari-saring Katangahan. | 3 Comments

Sunday Afternoon With Nick


Nick wants me to write a poem and maybe I can do that for him. After all, isn’t it Nick who drove his car around the corner today just when I was feeling too weary to ride my bicycle up the long hill ahead?

Didn’t he appear out of nowhere like a knight – yes, I mean this – like a knight on a horse rounding bend just as my legs almost gave out under me?

Okay, it was only Sunday afternoon in Imus Cavite, and I would have made it up the hill anyway, but didn’t Nick make it easier?

Didn’t he roll the car to a stop, toss me the key, throw one leg over the saddle and take off toward home with his heart pumping, lungs expanding, hips hard at work so I could take the easy way, the high road, the path needed at exactly that moment?

For all the times he’s done that for me, in dozen years we’ve loved each other, surely I can do this much for him. Surely I can do one thing I know I do well: I can write it down.

2013/03/12 Posted by | Sari-saring Katangahan. | Leave a comment

Kung Bakit Ngayon Lang Ako Nag-blog Ulit.


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Unang-una, dahil naging busy ako sa walang ka-kwenta-kwentang mga bagay. Nagpalit ako ng trabaho na parang damit lang kung hubarin pero sa katotohanan, mahirap naman pumili at bumili ulit ng bago dahil gusto ko, branded at mahal. Mangilan-ngilan lang ang nakapasa sa aking panlasa na masasabi kong bagay na bagay sa akin. Ayun, napadpad ako sa isang trabahong hindi ko alam kung gusto ko bang seryosohin o isa na namang damit na dapat ko nang hubarin dahil hindi bagay sa personality ko. Ano ba?

Well, hindi naman malabo ito. Sa katunayan nga, malinaw na malinaw sa akin kung saan ako dadalhin ng bagong pakikipagsapalarang ito. Pero bahala na siguro, hangga’t kaya, sige lang muna. Ganun eh.

Mahal na ang yosi, tumaas na ng halos kwarenta pesos. Mabuti na lang at may trabaho ako, kaya ko pa bumili ng bisyo kahit papaano. Pabor naman talaga ako sa Sin Tax. Hangga’t pwedeng buwisan, buwisan na yan at ipaubaya na natin sa mga politikong mandarambong ang mga ating mga salapi. Ganun din naman, kahit sino iboto, manloloko. Wala na yatang magbabago sa bansang ito. Wala na rin ako pakialam. Kung dati-rati sobrang involve ako sa ating politika, maging sa current events, ngayon wala na akong gana. Bahala na sila. I’ve done my share, saka na ulit ako babalik kapag nabuhayan na ulit ako ng kahit katiting na pag-asa. Ayun.

Sabi nila kapag matagal ka raw tumigil sa pagsusulat, mabobobo ka. Mukhang tama sila. Hangin na lang yata ang laman ng kukote ko. Una ko dapat isusulat yung tungkol sa Alamat Ng Moving On Part2, kaso hindi ko mahagilap yung mga diwang naka-stock lang sa utak ko. Nawala sila lahat. Pero okay na din siguro yun. Alam mo kung bakit? Dahil wala na din akong pakialam sa nangyari noon. It happened to me not once, but twice. Same shit, similar story. Same drastic pain pero wala na yun. Ayoko na isipin dahil hindi ko na maalala how it all happened. Pero isa lang ang simula at wakas ng kwentong yun: Umasa ako. Iniwan ako. Period. Kung anoman ang nangyari in between, I’m really glad I can hardly recall. No kiddin, hindi ko talaga maalala. Pakiramdam ko nagka-amnesia ako. Gusto ko na ‘to kesa naman sharp ang memory, mukhang mas madrama yun. lol.

So, I broke my Sony phone na maganda. Nabasag yung LCD nya. Ang repair sa service center kasing presyo na ng isang brand new phone. And so I bought a new toy. Pang mahirap lang. O+ 8.9, para kapag nabasag ulit, hindi na masyadong masikip sa lungs. Pero wag maliitin ang pobreng phone, nako, nagandahan ako sa phone na ito, walang biro. Basta maganda sya. Hindi ko pino-promote pero kung maisipan mong bumili isang araw pag napadaan ka ng SM, I can assure you na hindi ka magsisisi. Pag nagsisi ka, promise bibilhin ko sayo yung phone at ako ang gagamit. Promise yan. Eto nga dito ako nagba-blog ngayon. Sosyal diba? Via mobile. Naks!

Madami pa ako gusto ikwento kaso inaantok na ako. Nakakapagod nadin magtype sa phone. Basta sa ngayon, steady ang buhay ko. Tahimik. Masaya. Walang komplikasyon. Na-miss ko ang ganitong state of mind. Tagal din akong nagpakabaliw sa mga unnecessary emotions. Tanga lang? Pwede naman palang ganito lang, naghanap pa akong ikasasakit ng puso at ulo ko. Hindi naman ako nagsisisi, naghihinayang lang for the lost energy na sana ginugol ko na lang sa pag-akyat ng bundok at pagtakbo. Anyway, nangyari na. Ganun eh.

Sige next time ulit. Sleep na ako. Bye. 🙂

2013/03/09 Posted by | Sari-saring Katangahan. | 4 Comments

Can You Keep It?


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2013/03/08 Posted by | Sari-saring Katangahan. | 2 Comments

Find Me, Look Hard…


I dreamt of you last night.
You stood out in the crowd like glaring debris that fell over me.
Your fists clenched, ready to cloud them over.
Radiance spelled you.
Like chocolate.
Like guilty pleasure.
Like pain.
How’d I know you smiled?
You were faceless.
I must have dreamt of you a thousand times.
Amidst a million cheering people.
Or beside me on a sunset beach.
Or in times of mourning.
Of longing.
Of looking at my own eyes.
Let me open my arms to lift you.
A feather, lost.
I conquer you.
Like any faceless aspiration, I must’ve loved you already.
I searched but you were elusive.
I waited but you never came.
You must be waiting for some other else.
I wish I haven’t dreamt of you.
I wish you were someone else.
I wish you had a face.
I wish you’d let me love you.
We’ll never meet.
Dreams don’t come true.
Some souls don’t find their pair.
And when I succumb…

Find me. Look hard.

2012/10/12 Posted by | Sari-saring Katangahan. | Leave a comment

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