The Wrong Guy.

It was one of those silly moments when I deliberately keep myself preoccupied with a lot of things just to refrain from seeing her all the way to North from South. It’s exhausting, really. But they say that if you really love someone, you’d go beyond extra mile just to see her. I love her – but I can’t. In my mind and in my heart, I know that she’s really special to me but I won’t do anything that is out of my comfort zone. That is me. She will always say that I only want to see her if it is convenient to me. Yes, that unarguably true and with arms wide open, I’ll have her kill me now because I’m not the type who would travel 5-6 hours every weekend just to spend time with her. I know it’s sounds cruel but that is me. And I thought we already had an agreement that we’d meet halfway. We didn’t. She became more demanding and I can’t blame her. She’s just like any other girl who loves PDAs, sweetness, chocolates, flowers, romantic dates and everything else that a typical girl would want to get from a man.

She’s the sweetest when she’s in her element but I’m telling you she could be your worst nightmare. She was. That is her. A very typical girl who wants nothing but your full attention and be the first in your priority list. Nothing is wrong with that. She’s just fairly being the girl that she is. I never questioned her and never will I ask her why, because I know what a typical girl is like. I tried to understand her somehow. I tried my best to be patient. At least on my end I think I did the best I could but nothing can really be enough for them. That’s how girls are, right? Or maybe I didn’t love her that much.

At the end of the day, I think I’m just another wrong guy who was found by a girl who have been dreaming all her life of a fairytale-like relationship with the-knight-in-a-shining-armor kind of prince ready to save her day. I’m the kind of wrong guy who can’t give her that fairytale because all I want is just a steady, trust-based relationship. I am the wrong guy because I am not like any other guys who’s got a mouthful of enchanting words and sweetness all over their body. I am not that guy. I am the wrong guy because life has treated me worse enough to even give half of the faith I have left for humanity, more so to anyone who demands for it.

Truth be told, she could have been the right girl for me. She’s everything every man would wish to have. A friend once told me that if I found her, never let her go. But I did. I had to. She’s not that easy to let go of, trust me but she didn’t hold on just quite a little bit longer than I had expected. Because I can’t give her what she wants. I really can’t because that’s how I am and I am not ready yet to open up. Not just yet. Not until I know she can keep up with the kind of man that I am. But she let go and cut the tie. Just like that. And I have nothing to blame but myself. I’m taking full accountability of this whole damn thing.

I am the wrong guy for her. She’s the right one for me. And we can’t go round in circles every time. One must let go. She just did. Now I have to give the favor back. This is the last time I’m writing about her. Crazy as it may sound but it hurts. Really. But I’ll get by. I know she, too, will. Maybe one day someone will find me again. She doesn’t need to be the right one. She can be just as imperfect as I am but will never give up on me no matter what. Someone who will make me realise that deep down inside of me lies a man who can love her despite my limitations, trust issues, inconsistencies and shallow indifference. Guess it’s hard to find that kind of girl nowadays, isn’t it? Well, I can only keep on wishing.

I am the wrong guy and maybe I need someone who’s perfectly wrong for me too.

I wish her well. I mean it.

Chapter closed