Farewell Johann.

There’s something that made me so affected about your passing away. And I don’t know what that could be. I met you not too long ago and I can say from the bottom of my heart how beautiful you are as a person. I don’t know how well you lived your life and I have no idea what it took you to get pass through all life’s shits but I’m sure as hell you had fun with it.

You were young Johann. You were my age and I keep on wondering how it feels to be dead at 27. Did it hurt? Did it scare you? Did you struggle gasping your last breathe for air? I want to know but I don’t wanna die yet. I want to know how it feels to literally fight for your life but I don’t wanna lose it. Maybe so I will know what to do when it comes to me and there’s no turning back. Maybe so I will know how to deal with it as it appraoch me in the future. God, this is crazy. You were the last person I ever thought would die before me. Nuts.

I’m sure a lot of good things have been said about you and this post is not to do the same because I do not know you well enough to tell the world what I think you did in this life for your friends and family. This is just a simple note to remind myself that I met you one day in my life and realizing that you’re forever gone is one hell of a wake up call for me that, cliche as it may sound, life is indeed really short. That I could die tomorrow or the next day or who knows maybe while I’m writing this. That I must live now and forget what’s bothering me from my past or in the future.

This post maybe is just to share to those who never got to know you how cool you are as a friend. This is at least the best thing that I can do to tell the world that you are indeed a special person and how jolly and humble and funny you were when you were alive. I hope this makes you smile.

These are our funny Facebook conversation and this is how I will remember you.

Rest in peace, Johann. Be good, do well, have fun. 😀

“If we are going to see each other again, would you mind to share the silence with me. The feminists call it intimacy, it’s when you just stare at me all day but you cannot touch nor hug me. Words you want to ask, say and share will not be countered and uttered by myself and all I can do is just to hug you from behind without you even knowing it and by that hoping messages come across because it will be the last hug I can give for being your friend.” -Johann, posted on his FB account April 28, 2012.

Sa Piling Ko.

Alam kong aalis ka rin sa bandang huli. 
Mawawala ka at iiwanan ako. 
Ngunit sa una pa lang, 
tinanggap ko na nang maluwag ang katotohanang iyon 
at mahigpit kong niyakap ang mga sandaling 
nasa tabi pa kita. 

Mahal kita. 
Minahal, kahit alam kong wala itong patutunguhan. 
Minahal, bagamat alam kong isang araw, 
maglalayag sa ka mundo ng iyong mga pangarap. 

Ngayon, 
habang papalayo ka, 
papalaot 
at tutungo sa ibang mundo, 

pumapatak ang luha 
nitong puso ko. 
Umaaasang lilingon ka
lilingon sa kinaroroonan ko 

at magbabalik, 
magbabalik sa piling ko…

Bring it On.

I woke up late today. It was a normal hot and sunny morning. The sun is unusually hiding behind the clouds but I can feel its heat refracting through my misty glass window. Another Monday indeed and it’s a beautiful day. I stood up to grab a cup of coffee and lit a cigarette to start my “going to be” busy day reading an old book I bought roughly around 3 years ago. I puffed my first stick for the day. I inhaled all the smokes in to my lungs and unconsciously exhaled it just like the regular air I happen to forget since I learned the art of tobacco-ing. That was one hell of a night, I said to myself.

I walked right in front of my window, still holding my cigarette half done. Vividly, I can still recall that night when we first met. It was indeed exciting. Crazy. Hot. Whatever. I smiled. I haven’t smiled quite that sweet for a long time. I can still smell the taste of your lips on mine and how passionate it was. You were the first after my last and I find it terrific that it was you and not someone else. It couldn’t be any better than your version.

The storm is over I guess and looking at your face in my head, I thought it’s just about time to give myself another chance to find “it” again. Yes, it’s too good to be true and I’ve been literally pinching myself just to make sure that I am not dreaming and that this is not just another memory to forget. I am always hopeful.

I am not sure what exactly is happening. I’m at a lost for words. I am excited. I am in doubt. I am scared. I am happy. I am conscious. Here I go again, taking my chances one step at a time. But whatever is in store for me on this another journey I am yet to take, I am ready now. Come what may.

You’re special to me. I never thought I’d be right for you but I am right here. Worth it or not, bring it on, life! 😀