Supernova.

That very first day we met is still vivid in my mind. If you would ask me to give you the details, I’m sure I wouldn’t miss a single of it. That first kiss, that first touch of yours,  that very moment when you looked at me in the eye, I still know the feeling. It’s clear and alive and it’s keeping me sane whenever I think about the world and goodbyes and the pains and the heartaches. I just think of you and I know everything would be alright. It never failed me by far.

Have I told you lately that I love you? I guess I did. And expect me to tell you that as often as I can. More so, expect me to show you how much, as long as I can. I’ve been in awe lately. I didn’t expect myself to be surprised by the things I could do just to prove how far I can go with the love I have for you. I did wonders. You made me make wonders and it feels so amazing. Everyday that I live is a journey I want to spend with you even if you don’t want to at times. We all have that. But remember that I am here, only here, whether you’re in the mood or not. I’ve come to accept that as time goes by. Again, we all have that.

If there’s any pain in the world right now that I can think of, that would kill me and that would make my world turn upside down, it would be the pain of losing you my dear. So don’t make me lose you because I won’t.

See. I am still writing you these words until now. Every time I wanna let you know the intensity of my love for you, I write them down in here. In my heart. I’m squeezing the brain out of me to come up with the best words to describe the Supernova and the star which explodes, increasing its brightness to typically a billion times that of our sun but still I keep on writing. I can’t just simply tell it.

Stay with me and I’d give you my world and other things to my strength. Be strong for me. Make me feel loved and make me love you more. I don’t care how you do it. You know I appreciate your every movement. I adore you, baby, in every way. I love you.

 

 

 

 

 

An Open Letter.

Dear Bienthoughts,

 

I’d be honest to you my friend. I know how in love you’ve been this past few months and I know how you wish you could just live with that emotions for all eternity. I can see how happy you are. I’ve never seen you that happy before. Let me guess – every day of your life you’re thinking about how to make your special someone happy and how eager you are to be with that special someone every single minute of every single day of your every single breath. I can only imagine how that makes you feel real good right through your very soul. That sounds really awesome to me. It’s amazing! I mean, choosing to be happy is not bad at all. If your happiness is essential to your special someone’s happiness, that’s the choice you have to make and I am so proud of you my dear friend. It’s not everyday that someone can find their happiness the way you did. Happiness is not easy to find these days and I’m so glad you somehow managed to find yours. I bet it’s not easy. It never was. But one thing that I truly admire most about you is your sense of commitment. I know you’re not perfect. Nobody is perfect. You tend to make mistakes from time to time, we all do, actually, but being committed is another story not everyone can comply with. I’ve known you all your life and if I were to look back few years from now, I can really tell the difference and I’m sure you won’t deny the fact how you’ve changed a lot – from your attitude – to your visions – to your goals and standards – I’m sure even you cannot recognize yourself anymore and I’m telling you, it’s a good thing.

My friend, I was in doubt if I’m gonna tell you this or not but since you’re completely crazy over your special someone and there’s nothing that I can say to change that, let me tell you this and I hope this would add to your happiness. You cannot change the world. You may love a person more than yourself but there never is an assurance that that person is willing to stay with you the way you want them. I mean yes, they can promise you forever but you only have today and tomorrow is never a guarantee. So live your life like it’s gonna be the end of everything. Cliche as it may sound but it’s true. I’ve been there, done that. Pretty ironic right? Telling you things you told me before? How cool is that? Love unconditionally. They say you have to leave something for yourself but there is no truth on that statement. Loving yourself is essential before you can truly love someone and you have to give your everything to the person you love even if it means you’ll be left empty handed – because if the love is true, you don’t even have to worry about being alone. It would stick with you wherever you go therefore you won’t be drained. I can see how you’re working on that aspect and trust me it takes time to learn the art and once you did, it’s a bliss.You just have to trust the relationship enough.

There had been some struggles. They maybe shallow, superficial, deep or profound, but whenever I see you look at yourself in the mirror, I can tell how willing you are to just take them all in. It’s like there’s something powerful in your soul that keeps you standing despite all these trials – and it makes me smile too to see how strong and brave you are as a person. You’re not afraid to fall – or to die. You believe that death is inevitable. We all live everyday with the possibility of dying and it’s remarkable that you take them like a child – innocently. I believe that’s how it should be. I just wish everybody can realize that.

I’m not saying all these to tell the world how perfect your life is or how holy you are because everyone who knows you well enough can tell that you’re not that kind of person. You too are sinful in every aspect like we all are. I’m telling you this because I am you. This is how I see you. You may not believe in everything that I just said but I am your friend and I wish nothing but the best for you.

So just live, just love.

 

 

 

Of Arrows And Ventricles.

The person that I was before that arrow hits me right through my very ventricles is nowhere to find now. I can’t say he’s gone or missing but somehow I can feel he’s hiding from me. I was invincible – at least that’s what I built myself to be as I grew smart, intelligent and bright citizen of the universe. I got this shield from every possible “disaster”. I got this armor I can use in every situation. I got this unconquerable ability to survive from any adversity known to man. I thought I was strong enough and can never be subjugated. Until that arrow dominated my whole scheme and suddenly changed my whole life. I became weak.

Call me shitty, dramatic, non-sense, self-indulgent twaddle- or whatever definitions you can give to someone who talks (or writes) too much – I guess that’s me now. I just can’t deny how fragile I became since the day I officially decided to give it a shot. First try, actually.  I can’t believe I am doing things I never thought I’d do, or feel the things I never thought I’d feel for the longest time. It is somehow a realization, a wake up call, a grasp of veracity – that I am still human and no one can leave out this part just that. Everybody goes through this and this is my share – my contribution.

I am not used to being weak yet, although ironically, I’ve been weak all my life. I’m getting the hang of it though. I’m trying. I am just afraid that when all is said and done, at the end of the day, I’d end up to be the one on the losing end. That must be gruesomely terrible it makes me wanna puke my soul out. Terrible.

But what’s keeping me alive despite these horrible emotions?

I guess LOVE is.

I need not say more.

^^

Bigla Na Lang Nag-blog Ng Kung-Anu-Ano.

Hindi na daw maglilimlim ang manok ng kanyang mga itlog

napagod na ito kakaupo gayong ilang buwan din naman niyang

binitbit sa tiyan niya ang mabibigat na mga bolang iyon.

hahayaan na lamang niya itong mapisa,

at mananalanging walang maging bugok sa mga ito.

 

******

 

Hindi na lamang siya magtatanong (ang “siya” ay tumutukoy naman sa isang tao, kung sinoman.)

hahayaan niyang sumampal na lamang sa mukha niya

ang katotohanang matagal na niyang iniiwasan.

Ayaw niyang malaman ang bawat detalye ng kanyang nakaraan (ang “kanyang” ay tumutukoy sa iniibig ng “siya” sa tulang ito, kung tula mang maituturing.)

sapagkat ang nakalipas ay hindi na dapat pang binabalikan

mas nais niyang gumawa ng mga bagong ala-ala

at maniwala na lamang na ang bawat pangako, bawat salita,

bawat halik, bawat haplos, bawat yakap at pangarap

ay totoo.

 

******

 

May magagawa ba ang bulaklak kung maisipan siyang pitasin,

o kaya’y kung bigla syang dapuan ng bubuyog para makipag-niig?

Isa itong pang-aabuso sa karapatan ng isang nilalang

na pumili ng kanyang makakapareha -

papaano kung pangit ang bubuyog na dumapo sa kanyang

malulusog na talulot? maaari ba siyang magpumiglas

at magsumbong kay Inang Kalikasan na

ang kanyang kagandahan at nilapastangan,

na ang kanyang bulaklak ay ginahasa?

 

******

 

Ito ang kanyang pangarap

ang magising isang umaga kasiping siya.

sa isang kamang malambot,

sa isang klimang malamig,

sa isang mapagparayang simoy ng hangin

habang sumisinghot-singhot, dumadahak-dahak,

dahil sa kanyang “allergic rhinitis”.

 

******

 

GF: Why do you love me?

BF: I have no reason

GF: No. Give me a reason

BF: Oh.okay. Because you’re beautiful, caring and attractive..

Girl was satisfied, Then one day she got sick
and look Terribly Thin, Pale and Weak

GF: Do you still love me?

BF: Now that you’re not pretty and attractive do i have a reason to love you?

Girl Cried. The boy hold her hand and say

BF: Now you Understand? Love doesn’t need reasons. I Love u and still love you no matter what Happens.

 

******

 

“Nasaktan ako dun.”

(tumutukoy sa pagiging tsismoso ng isang manunulat, imbes na wala syang alam at hindi siya nasasaktan, yan tuloy may nalaman sya at nasaktan.)

 

******

 

Walang kwentang mga posts di ba? Haha. ;D

 

******

 

-End

Ang Alamat Ng E-Cigarette.

This is the journey I have been praying to The Greater Power up there: to be able to find my true love. And so it came, my true love. For once, I became conscious that somebody up there is watching over me.

In silence, I often pray and ask, “Hey! You up there, I know there’s nothing impossible if You just SAY the word. Can You, just for a couple of minutes, please say that my love and I will last forever until we grow old and our hair turns gray, and no matter how disappointing, annoying and cruel this life may be, we will still end up together?”

But I hear no response from The Greater Power up there, only silence.

So I realized nobody’s really listening to me.

I started praying a little bit louder and ask The Greater Power up there again to bless me and my love the power to overcome every trial, to be able to make ourselves invincible to every pain and temptations that has to come along the way. I also prayed to The Greater Power up there to give us the courage to fight and hold on when everything seems to be hopeless, to be able to make time for each other despite the busy schedules we have as we go through life’s everyday ordeal.

Still, I hear no voice, only white noises.

I started loosing my grip that The Greater Power up there really exist, that it’s all just my imagination. I started believing that The Greater power up there is just a mere product our mind’s eye and nobody’s really paying attention. And so, for the last time, I tried praying to The Greater Power up there, this time, with utmost intensity and sincerity.

I prayed: “Thy will be done.”

Nothing else.

The next day, somebody gave me a gift, an e-cigarette.

I was surprised.

Nobody in my entire life have ever given me a gift, not for the purpose of saying that I should live longer so I can be with my love. My love wanted me to be healthy so I can live a little bit longer, maybe so I can be with my love until we grow old, until our hair turns gray, maybe so we can end up together until the end. Maybe… who knows?

If I can be honest, I’d tell you that never a day since we met that I did not worry about what the future holds for the two of us. I’m just keeping it to myself. Maybe I’m trying to avoid the pain that tomorrow may bring shall this journey fails.

But if truth be told, my faith never cease to comfort me that everything will be alright. That I do not have anything to worry about. With every kiss and hug that I get from my love, I couldn’t help but rejoice. Forgive me for this is all new to me. I guess this is the battle I am yet to conquer as we move on to our promises of forever.

So at this point, I should end this here. I surrender everything to The Greater Power up there and live on. I’m here to stay anyway. For the nth time, I’d say this: I am in love, I feel loved and that’s all that matters to me now.

So I’ll end it here.

Here.

wait, I’mma puff my e-cigarette first.

(*puff, puff, puff!)

Okay…

Here.